Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Grinch Who Stole the Happy Meal

The little Whos down in Who-town were singing a song.
They were drumming, and strumming, and humming along.
On Telegraph Hill, though, the Grinch stood and frowned.
“They should not be so loud! Oh, the noise! Oh, the sound!”

The Grinch covered his ears, and he sat, and he thought,
“They should not be so loud! No, they really should not!”
Then he thought that he might put a stop to the noise
If he took away all of their Happy Meal toys.

It was not food, you see, that made a Happy Meal fun.
The sandwich was just scraps of beast on a bun,
And the rest of the meal was salt, sugar, and fat.
The little Whos could hardly be happy with that.
No, the Happy Meal came in a box with a toy.
That was the part that they seemed to enjoy.

“With no toys,” said the Grinch, “they will not sing and shout.
I must go down to Who-town and take the toys out.”

So down the hill the Grinch slithered and slunk
He would find the toys and pack them away in his trunk.
As he crept through the arches, a thought crossed his mind.
He wondered what kind of toy he would find.
Would it be a toy soldier, a dragon, a princess?
Instead, he found boxes of English musicians.
A singer named Roger, a guitarist named Pete,
He packed them all up and made his way down the street.
Then the Grinch dragged the trunk up to Telegraph Hill,
When he heard a sound that made him stand still.

By now, the little Whos should be sitting in tears.
Instead, why, the Grinch heard shouting and cheers.
But what could this mean? Could it be that the small
Whos were happy for no reason at all?

Then something strange happened. The Grinch turned around
And he vowed to take the toys back to Who-town,
But the Whos would not take them, even if he said please,
And he found himself talking to Mayor McCheese.
The mayor said all the Whos had decided that
They should not mix toys with salt, sugar, and fat.

So the Grinch dragged the unwanted toys to the square,
And he thought, and he sat, and he sat and thought there.
What would become of his trunk full of toys?
And what would he do about the Who girls and boys?

Darkness was falling across the Who-tower,
And the Who-bells clanged another Who-hour.

Then suddenly, who should appear on the scene?
Little Cindy-Lou Who, who was not quite thirteen.
She looked at the Grinch, and she said with a cry,
“Why did you take all the toys away? Why?”

“Toys!” said the Grinch, and he jumped to his feet.
“That’s a singer named Roger, a guitarist named Pete.
They are under a spell, and they cannot be heard
Till someone brings them to life by saying just the right word.”

“But who?” Cindy said. Then they both were surprised
When they heard a tap and a call from inside.
“Let me out!” said a voice from the trunk, “Let me out!”
Cindy lifted the lid. A musician crawled out.

And then came another. And another again.
And two more. And five. And by twenty and ten.
And an army of Rogers and axe-wielding Petes
Laid waste to Who-town’s houses and streets.
The little Whos shouted and cheered at the sight
As the show went on late into the night.

And there stood the Grinch at the back of the crowd.
“Oh, the sound! Oh, the noise! They should not be so loud!”
And the moral of the story is, quite simply, that
You should not mix toys with salt, sugar, and fat.

Apologies to Dr. Seuss, McDonald’s, San Francisco, The Who, and Rod Temperton